The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
