You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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