You're completely useless in the revolution.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
