Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
