my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
