real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
