Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
