so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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