I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
