Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
