the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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