Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
