After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
