Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
