She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
