it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
