Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
