'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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