Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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