Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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