god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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