i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
