just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
