If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
