i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
