Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
