1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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