i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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