i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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