Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
