I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
