So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
