Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
