"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
