Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
