While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
