Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
