I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
