I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
