How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
