you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
