Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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