Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
