what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
