You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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