the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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