I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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