Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
