Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
