That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
