My nipple is on Facebook.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
