I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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