So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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