Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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