even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
